每个父母都梦想拥有周到，负责任和尊重的孩子。我们希望我们的孩子说，谢谢你。我们希望他们能够遵循每日仪式的指示 - 上床，刷牙，穿上你的鞋子。但是怎么办呢？我们可以惩罚他们，如果他们不遵守我们的命令，但这常常导致怨恨和叛乱。我们可以贿赂他们，但只会造成更多的坏行为。最好的方法是与你的孩子理性地说话，以便他们了解你的命令的基本重要性。如果你能用清楚和简单的语言向你的孩子解释为什么重要的是刷牙和早点睡觉，他们更有可能自愿做这些行为。
1.设置固定规则 - 并预期尊重
孩子们相信他们可以做任何他们想做的事情，并得到任何他们想要的，往往是那些谁做的行为，通过鞭打或投掷发脾气，当他们的要求没有达到。
告诉他们为什么。你不必给你的孩子详细解释为什么你期望他们的某些行为。但是，如果你的孩子明白你的规则有简单的原因，他会意识到他们不是武断的，更有可能遵守。告诉他，例如，“你需要在八点钟睡觉，因为你的身体需要大量的睡眠，保持强壮和健康。或者“你必须放下你的玩具，所以我们知道下次你想玩的地方在哪里。
提供大量的赞誉。无论是做床，帮助设置桌子，还是让他的妹妹和他的街区玩耍，确保你通过庆祝孩子的成功来加强规则跟随。例如，“你记得做你的床的规则是伟大的，当你的行为像一个大男孩时，我很自豪！或者，“你很有礼貌地说，”请你，当你问我这种蜡笔，干得好！
2.构建问题解决技巧
儿童行为不良的一个主要原因是他们感到沮丧和无能为力。当你给孩子们他们需要的工具，他们需要自己去做事情，他们会表现得更好，因为他们会更好地装备自己照顾自己，不会尖叫给你，或在每次遇到挑战时采取行动。
让孩子做决定。给孩子们一旦他们年纪大了就能做出选择的机会。问，“你想穿你的Elmo睡衣还是你的睡衣？” “你想要吃什么小吃，一个苹果或奶酪棒？”一旦孩子可以管理这些小的决定，拿起一个缺口：如果你的孩子正在与她的姐姐战斗，例如，而不是大喊“不要这样做！或给她一个超时。例如，问他们“你能如何处理这个不同？你可能会惊讶于她会提出解决方案的方式。
鼓励“尝试，再试一次”的态度。当然，你为他们做的一切都快了很多，但重要的是让学龄前儿童在没有你干预的情况下练习和成功 - 无论是绑鞋，放玩具，还是在洗衣店里排序袜子。
让他们想想事情。通过挑战孩子为自己找到答案来伸展孩子的认知技能。例如，当你的孩子问一个问题，如何做某事，回答一个自己的问题：“你认为你应该做什么？这样的反应最终会让他相信自己的能力。
3.帮助孩子练习耐心
没有人喜欢等待，特别是年轻的孩子。在发展和神经方面，这是很困难的，因为孩子们通过让他们的需要立即知道生存。这就是为什么父母在幼儿时期开始教导耐心尤其重要。你希望你的孩子对不耐烦的感觉产生宽容，这通常是不愉快的，所以他们在面对未来的感觉时不会行为不端或行为冲动。
让他们等待。一旦你的孩子要求一些东西，不要总是丢弃一切。让你的孩子感觉到等待的不愉快，因为它是一个伟大的变革者。例如，不要立即给他喝果汁，你会帮助他管理他的不耐烦的练习。
告诉他们他们的感觉。孩子不能表达他们的沮丧，不得不等待的东西，但你可以帮助标签他们的情绪，并表现出耐心的赞美。如果你的学龄前儿童必须等待轮到你，你可能会说：“我知道站在这里很难，但你做了一个了不起的工作，你很耐心，这太棒了！ “当你验证你的孩子的斗争的东西，它更有可能他会努力尝试。
参与促进耐心的活动。鼓励你的孩子做不能立即产生结果的事情，例如块建筑和解决问题，或种植花种子，并观察它随着时间的推移而增长。 “确保他们不只是玩高科技小工具，提供即时按下按钮的结果。
4.强调同理心
你有多少次你必须判断一个爆炸，因为你的学龄前儿童带了一个朋友的玩具或拒绝与她的妹妹分享？孩子们出生时相信世界围绕着他们，所以你越早帮助他们了解每个人都有感觉和情绪，他们越不可能以惹恼或伤害别人的方式表现。
庆祝你的孩子的善良的行为。一般来说，最好找到自然的机会来教同理心。任何时候你的孩子表示尊重别人，你应该用一个简单的叙述加强她的倾向。例如，如果你看到你的学龄前儿童用毛毯覆盖她的娃娃，说：“这是你要确保你的小车是温暖和舒适，她一定很冷。
问，不要告诉。你不能向蹒跚学步的人解释同情，但你可以开始让她思考别人的感受。这个年龄的孩子不会理解讲座，但如果你向他们提出问题，你可以提高他们的意识水平。例如，如果你的孩子不让她的朋友玩弄她的毛绒动物，问“你觉得艾玛玫瑰感觉，当你不会与她分享你的东西？”
帮助他们阅读肢体语言。能够解释手势和面部表情是我们发展同情的基本方法之一。给你的蹒跚学步的指针：“当你和她分享你的cookie时，看看玛格丽特姑妈怎么样，你注意到她在笑吗？你让她感觉很好。你的孩子最初可能不会完全理解，但是当她这样做时，她会知道其他人的反应 - 更好地注意自己的行为会如何影响他人。
最后，一句警告：你不能教你的孩子一夜之间自律。毫无疑问，有时他们的行为不管，无论你多么努力，以防止它。但如果你继续专注于这些信息，迟早会吸取教训。在他们做，你的良好的孩子将需要更少和更少的干预。
It is every parents dream to have thoughtful, responsible, and respectful children. We want our children to say please and thank you. We want them to be able to follow instructions for their daily rituals--go to bed, brush your teeth, put on your shoes. But how to do it? We can discipline them if they don't comply with our commands, but that often leads to resentment and rebellion. We can bribe them, but that only creates further bad behaviors. The best approach is to speak rationally with your children so that they understand the basic importance of your commands. If you can explain to your children in clear and simple language why it is important to brush their teeth and go to bed early they are far more likely to do these behaviors willingly.
1. Set Firm Rules—and Expect Respect
Kids who believe they can do anything they feel like doing, and get whatever they want, tend to be the ones who act out by whining or throwing a tantrum when their demands aren't met.
Tell them why. You don't have to give your children elaborate explanations for why you expect certain behaviors from them. But if your child understands that there are simple reasons for your rules, he'll realize they aren't arbitrary and will be more likely to comply. Tell him, for example, "You need to go to bed at eight o'clock because your body needs a lot of sleep to stay strong and healthy." Or "You have to put away your toys so we'll know where to find them next time you want to play."
Offer lots of praise. Whether it's making the bed, helping set the table, or letting his sister play with his blocks, make sure you reinforce rule-following by celebrating your child's successes. For example, "It's great that you remembered the rule to make your bed. I'm so proud when you behave like a big boy!" or, "You were so polite to say 'please' when you asked me for that crayon. Good job!"
2. Build Problem-Solving Skills
One of the major reasons children behave badly is because they feel frustrated and powerless. When you give children the tools they need to figure things out on their own, they will behave better because they'll be better equipped to take care of themselves and won't come screaming to you or act out every time they encounter a challenge.
Let kids make decisions. Give children the opportunity to make choices as soon as they're old enough to understand. Ask, "Do you want to wear your Elmo pajamas or your nightgown?" "Which snack do you want to take to school, an apple or a cheese stick?" Once kids can manage these small decisions, take it up a notch: If your child is fighting with her sister, for example, instead of yelling "Don't do that!" or giving her a time-out. For example, ask them "How can you handle this differently?" You may be surprised at the way she will come up with solutions.
Encourage a "try, try again" attitude. Sure, it's a lot quicker for you to do everything for them, but it's important to let preschoolers practice and succeed without your intervention -- whether it's tying their shoes, putting away toys, or sorting socks in the laundry.
Make them think things out. Stretch your child's cognitive skills by challenging him to find answers for himself. For example, when your child asks a question about how to do something, respond with a question of your own: "What do you think you should do?" Such a response will eventually give him confidence in his own ability to figure things out.
3. Help Kids Practice Patience
No one likes to wait, especially young kids. Developmentally and neurologically it's difficult because children survive by letting their needs be known immediately. That's why it's especially important for parents to start teaching patience in the toddler years. You want your kids to develop tolerance for the feeling of impatience, which is often unpleasant, so they won't misbehave or act impulsively when faced with that feeling in the future.
Make them wait. Don't always drop everything as soon as your child asks for something. Allow your child to feel the unpleasantness of waiting because it's a great change agent. By not giving him the juice immediately, for example, you'll help him get practice in managing his impatience.
Tell them what they're feeling. Toddlers aren't able to express their frustration at having to wait for things, but you can help by labeling their emotions and offering praise when they demonstrate patience. If your preschooler has to wait his turn, you might say: "I know it's tough to just stand here. But you're doing a terrific job. You're being patient, and that's great!" "When you validate your child's struggle with something, it's more likely he'll try harder."
Engage in activities that promote patience. Encourage your child to do things that don't offer immediate results, like block building and puzzle solving, or planting a flower seed and watching it grow over time. "Make sure they're not only playing with high-tech gadgets that offer instant press-of-a-button results."
4. Put an Emphasis on Empathy
How many times have you had to referee a blowup because your preschooler took a friend's toy or refused to share with her sister? Children are born believing that the world revolves around them, so the sooner you help them understand that everybody has feelings and emotions, the less likely they'll be to behave in ways that annoy or hurt other people.
Celebrate your child's acts of kindness. In general, it's best to find natural opportunities to teach empathy. Any time your child shows regard for someone else, you should reinforce her inclination with a simple narrative. For example, if you see your preschooler covering her doll with a blanket, say, "it was so kind of you to make sure that your dolly is warm and cozy. She must have been very cold."
Ask, don't tell. You can't explain empathy to a toddler, but you can begin to get her thinking about other people's feelings. Kids this age won't understand lectures, but if you pose questions to them you can raise their awareness level. For instance, if your child won't let her friend play with her stuffed animals, ask, "How do you think Emma-Rose feels when you won't share your things with her?"
Help them read body language. Being able to interpret gestures and facial expressions is one of the basic ways that we develop empathy. Give your toddler pointers: "See how Aunt Margaret looked when you shared your cookie with her. Did you notice that she was smiling? You made her feel so good." Your child may not fully understand at first, but when she does, she'll be clued in to other people's reactions -- and better able to notice how her own behavior can affect others.
Finally, a word of caution: You aren't going to be able to teach your children to discipline themselves overnight. No doubt there will be times when they misbehave, no matter how hard you've tried to prevent it. But if you continue to focus on these messages, sooner or later the lessons will sink in. As they do, your well-behaved child will need less and less intervention from you.
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